thebarkingpig (thebarkingpig) wrote in depression_add,

Self-esteem question

I've read some stuff on self-esteem, and before being diagnosed ADD really loved the 6 Pillars book. But though it was helpful for a while, it ultimately failed me, because in the end it relied on performance - am I someone I can be proud of? Well, in some ways I am, but with ADD (now I know it's a culprit), there are some things I'll just probably never be good at - things like planning, remembering what people told me, and being organized and making sense to people - things that many others just take for granted, things that are 'assumed' if you're to be a 'good' person. I think in the end we just need to change our expectations and definition of what gives me value. After all, planning, making sense, etc really have nothing to do with it - it's just what people perceive ( you don't care about me bc you forgot what I said; I can't live with you bc you're so messy; I can't talk to you bc you're not making sense) that makes us seem less 'valuable' or 'good'. In fact, this community has done wonders for my well-being because I see many other wonderful people who are going through some of the same invisible struggles! So anyway, while I might change my definition and expectations for myself, the world goes on not caring how I define or what expectations I set up for being a valuable member of society, and I can't blame them! But it sure makes it hard to fight the selfesteem battle. I just can't figure out how not to have social anxiety (I don't even have clinical anxiety, thank God!) whenever I feel like my boss can hear me making a phone call, or when I think someone might be misunderstanding, judging me, etc. Bc my self esteem is so vulnerable most of the time...

I don't know if I'm making any sense, but my question to you guys is: how do you deal with self-esteem and the sense that others might not see your worth like you hope they would?

I'm pretty spiritual, so I can know in my heart that God values me equally to others, but sometimes I forget... Or hav trouble applying that to not being afraid of messing up at work or alienating people... Thoughts?

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