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Depression and ADD: D+A
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Below are the 11 most recent journal entries recorded in Depression and ADD: A support community: D+A's LiveJournal:

Wednesday, March 31st, 2010
6:35 am
Need some advice
Hey guys! I was wondering: does anyone here have experience facilitating meetings and/or being a consultant? I have to do both for my new job, and I'm petrified, because I really struggle with reading cues, realizing what needs to happen next, listening and thinking at the same time, talking and thinking at the same time, and, scariest of all, coming up with ideas/creative solutions on the spot, which is basically what they need me to do! Does anyone have advice? Also, having ADD, planning is tough. I often spend hours preparing, then find in the actual meeting that what I prepared is almost entirely irrelevant, even too basic for what is really needed...

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Tuesday, March 9th, 2010
10:39 pm
Self-esteem question
I've read some stuff on self-esteem, and before being diagnosed ADD really loved the 6 Pillars book. But though it was helpful for a while, it ultimately failed me, because in the end it relied on performance - am I someone I can be proud of? Well, in some ways I am, but with ADD (now I know it's a culprit), there are some things I'll just probably never be good at - things like planning, remembering what people told me, and being organized and making sense to people - things that many others just take for granted, things that are 'assumed' if you're to be a 'good' person. I think in the end we just need to change our expectations and definition of what gives me value. After all, planning, making sense, etc really have nothing to do with it - it's just what people perceive ( you don't care about me bc you forgot what I said; I can't live with you bc you're so messy; I can't talk to you bc you're not making sense) that makes us seem less 'valuable' or 'good'. In fact, this community has done wonders for my well-being because I see many other wonderful people who are going through some of the same invisible struggles! So anyway, while I might change my definition and expectations for myself, the world goes on not caring how I define or what expectations I set up for being a valuable member of society, and I can't blame them! But it sure makes it hard to fight the selfesteem battle. I just can't figure out how not to have social anxiety (I don't even have clinical anxiety, thank God!) whenever I feel like my boss can hear me making a phone call, or when I think someone might be misunderstanding, judging me, etc. Bc my self esteem is so vulnerable most of the time...

I don't know if I'm making any sense, but my question to you guys is: how do you deal with self-esteem and the sense that others might not see your worth like you hope they would?

I'm pretty spiritual, so I can know in my heart that God values me equally to others, but sometimes I forget... Or hav trouble applying that to not being afraid of messing up at work or alienating people... Thoughts?

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Saturday, January 9th, 2010
10:30 am
support site
i have a support site you all can use it has sections on depression and add among a lot of other forums. please post in welcome if you do join

Tuesday, November 11th, 2008
8:21 pm
I've been luckier than most, as my depression has not plagued me for a few months.

But recently, it came back. Like a thief in the dark, it snuck up on me. Gradually, it crept into my brain, subtly corrupting my perceptions, warping my thoughts, and poisoning my feelings. The end result? I took actions that were utterly inappropriate over problems that did not exists. I was a dick, someone I love was hurt, it was all my fault, and there isn't a damn thing I can do to change that.

When someone gets drunk or high and does crap like that, they, at least, have some say in the matter: they did drugs or had booze. If they're not addicts, then they made a choice to get fucked in the head. If they are addicts, well, maybe they didn't exactly choose to do it, but at least they knew it was coming.

I have no choice about getting depressed, nor do I see it coming. Hell, most of the time, thanks to the way depression works, I don't even know I'm there until I've done something horrible and get called on it.

If I'm going to be held accountable for my actions, then I damned well ought to be able to have a say over my actions! But when the serotonin crashes and everything in my head gets corrupted, I am not in my right mind, I am not, so I do not really have a say in what I think, feel, or do. And yet, the things that I do, and the consequences of them, are just as real, and just as damaging, as if I had done them with malice aforethought and absolute clarity of mind.

Am I the only one who thinks that this is unfair? Am I the only one who feels violated over this? Am I the only one who is so mad about this I can't see straight?

I hate this. I hate what depression does to me. I hate what I do when I get depressed. I hate who I am when I get depressed. I hate that I can't go back and undo the damage I did. I hate it that no matter what kind of drugs or therapy I have, it will always be there, that it will never be gone forever, and there isn't a God-damned thing I can do to change that.

Current Mood: furious
Thursday, July 10th, 2008
11:30 pm
Wednesday, July 2nd, 2008
10:06 pm
The Parable of the Wolves
One evening, an old Cherokee Indian told his grandson about a "battle" that goes on inside people. He said, "My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all.

One is evil. It is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego.

The other is good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"

The old Cherokee simply replied: "The one that you feed."
Tuesday, June 10th, 2008
6:53 pm
Just joined in
I recently went looking for the acoa community, and found links to this one as well. And, since I have both depression and ADD (ADHD actually) I figured this would be a good group to join as well. I'm new to the ACOA stuff, but depression is something I am very well acquainted with. I've been in therapy and on meds for it since 2001, and I've been detailing a lot of my struggles in my own LJ.

Still, one can never have too much support, so here I am.
Monday, February 6th, 2006
10:44 am
I wanted to thank everyone for their advice/support a while back. Chances are you don't remember my post, but I was having difficulties, wondering if I could have ADD and trying to figure out what to do. I thought I would update and let you all know I was tested by a neuropsychologist last week. Her test results were inconclusive; my attention scores fell in the normal range, but this was inconsistant with my other scores (IQ, memory) which all fell well above the normal range. Depression and anxiety were brought up as being issues, possible causes of attention problems. After interviewing me and getting some of my history, she decided I might as well try ADD medication and behavioral therapy and see if it helps. I don't know yet what medication my psychiatrist will want to try; I plan to ask him about taking something for the depression/anxiety as well, if possible. If anyone here takes medications for ADD and depression or anxiety feel free to reply and let me know what and how it's worked for you, or what you've tried in the past that hasn't worked. I've had positive experiences with Wellbutrin in the past, no other antidepressants/mood stabilizers have really been helpful. I had a particularly bad reaction to Effexor.

Cross posted in add_students, adults_add, and depression_add
Tuesday, January 3rd, 2006
12:29 pm
Thursday, August 18th, 2005
7:42 pm
here we go
Hey, I was diagnosed with ADD when I was in 4th grade, so like 17 years ago. I have it pretty much under control with meds(geez, I've had enough time). About 7 months ago I was diagnosed with Anxiety and Depression (the anxiety causes the depression) and I was put on a med that I will be ending soon.
People say my life is stressful, but I don't notice most of the time. I've lived everywhere from Vermont, to Idaho... Wisconsin to North Carolina. My job is in the arts so I have to go where there is work. I moved to Philly almost a year ago and that's the longest I've lived anywhere in the past 6 years. It gives me the stability I crave, but it seems to me a lot of the time that *everything* just won't work out together. I have a great place and job, but my boyfriend just broke up with me. (yesterday :(). About a week ago, I was out of a job but things were going really well with me and the boy and with friends (the one or two I have. I'm not complaining, I like it that way. Then, it won't screw up so fast). Does this make any sense at all?
What helps me out of the rough spots, is to remember that everything happens for a reason, and to just take it one day at a time. Sometimes that's too much... so I just take deep breaths and take it one hour at a time.

"Do whatever brings you deeper into the reality of your life.
Not the life you can have, but the life you've got."

Current Mood: sad
Thursday, April 7th, 2005
2:31 pm
ok i'll go first got nothing to loose..
hello my name is simone, i live in new york city & i'm 23 years old.

i've been diagnosed with both depression & ADD.

about 2 years ago, i was in college & exploring "the work force" & living at home with my mother. i was also starting to become very involved in the performing arts.
i was/am scared to death of the world and people..unless i'm onstage.

the second i hit 21, i got thrown out of my mother's house without warning. then she went off & married some guy.
for 6 months i was on the street & was homeless for a year...couch surfing & totally clueless about what to do with myself, not to mention sick with bronchitis & with terrible athsma.
eventually i found an inexpensive room with an old friend. there i isolated & healed myself.

unfortunately, although i'm physically ok now, i've felt the same since my experiences of being out in the cold & sick.
i fear the world & it's coldness. i don't want to work or be a part of it.
all i want to do is perform bc it's the only thing i do well.
so far, i hooked up with a man twice my age & we moved in together. & just like every relationship i've had, it's intense, dramatic & totally dysfunctional at times.
but he's...uh, keeping me alive.

i want to get out from under, but i have no idea what i want to do, besides sing & dance & make sound collages.
i buckle under the pressure of interviews & then lash out at the interviewer.
i make excuses thinking, whatever i do i'm supporting the evil of the world.
i frequently zone out & forget what people are saying to me.

actually it's not as bad as it sounds on the whole, but at times, it's worse.

i get apathetic & have no clue why i'm on this planet bc really i don't want anything from it. when i think about it, i just want it over already.
i never get involved in the moment anymore. i'm paranoid & watchful. can't sit down & read a book.

st john's wort works to some extent which is a total relief.

but ahhh..i need someone who understands.


so progress that i've made: i've stopped cutting myself! (huuuge breakthrough), started taking vitamins, i do yoga, i discovered how to keep the fighting to a minimum (but that doesn't stop him from making me FEEL like killing him & myself sometimes), i'm less scared of talking to people, i realize now that people aren't constantly judging me.

but i want to fill this hole in my life. i want to know the zen of work & be able to live a relaxed life.
there are so many things i didn't write about here, but believe me, in my tender years; i've had enough excitement for one lifetime. i want things to be boring for a change.
if i could concentrate on 1 damn thing, i'd publish a few books.

Current Mood: all of the above
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